Friday, November 4, 2011

Guess I'm doin' fine

Well, I'm listening to Beck's "Sea Change" album, so obviously I'm a bit depressed. I've never been diagnosed with depression as a mental illness, but I know that when I look at the list of the symptoms, I think: "Isn't that life?" If you want to know whether or not Dr. Connor has diagnosed you with the official mental blues, listen to this album. If you "get it", you're depressed.

So, what is this? Some depressing blog about depression? Well, I fancy myself a writer, & I feel like writing, so in theory what I write should be good. It's my favorite time of the 24 hour circadian cycle: the wee hours after bar close & before bar opening. I'm sitting here sipping little water & fizzy water through a straw. At my computer, at home literally & figuratively. It's dark in here, but it's never dark enough for me. I don't envy the blind, but I wouldn't mind borrowing the blindness when it comes time for sleepy-sleeps. Mmmm.. sleepy sleeps. To me, heaven is an infinite bed, the comfiest bed ever, massaging mattress, sheets that caress, blankets that snuggle, perfect pillows, in the darkest of rooms, with the soothing whir of white noise, and a clock that only shows its face to show that I have eternity before an alarm never goes off. Love sleeps beside me, always there for a warm snuggle or sweet orgasmic release to send me back to sleepy sleeps, and plenty of pleasant dreams. Can I go to heaven now?

The best part of waking up is knowing that someday I won't. I don't wanna do this anymore, & by "this" I mean breathe. Now, don't get your britches in a bundle. Seriously, don't, it's uncomfortable. That's what woke me up at this time early yesterday morning, after I went to bed early like a good boy. Oh well, "early to bed, early to rise..?" I don't give a flying fuck if I'm healthy, wealthy, or wise. Color me dead, broke, & stupid & see if I give a fuck. But I'll do you a favor & end this on a positive note: the album is almost over & I think I'm gonna pass out. Pity I can't segue that into a coma, but such is life: if you're gonna be alive, you gotta live it. meh